Definalty not on the wagon

Yesterday I stated out ok. I got up had a coffe (with too much sugar) and on the way to take Nick to work we stopped at a gas station and I got a coke zero. Nick grabbed a dr. pepper and a king size twix bar and told me to get a candy too. I resisted and grabbed cheese crakers for me and Aeryn to share. I thought that turning down that choclate bar that I had been craving was a good step. It was actully the only good move I made yesterday. Since I was out all day with my mother in law we ate at McDonald's and by the end of the day I had had 3 sodas. That amount of soda is bad enough but what really topps it if off is the piece of chocalte cake that I had last night. I had been doing good in not snakcing at night but that chocalte cake was too hard to resisit. I also had two pork chops with dinner.

you would think that after my bad day yesterday, today would be better. NOT!!. It is only 11:08 and I've already had 2 dr. peppers and half a bag of small choclate covered donuts., So basicly I have eaten/drinking half of my recommended calroie intake!!

I really need to attion for me bad eating behavior. So today I will clean the kitchen, living room, do laundry and drink 8 bottles of water. That is my goal for today and I really hope that I can achieve it.

While it does not look like I have done that great by reading this blog. I think that I've made some real mental process. Everytime I eat something that I am not supposed to I think that I am going have to admit it here. It is like the first step in solving an addiction is admitting ytou have an addiction. If that is the case I am on the right road.

I had a terrible dream last night and it really has me thinking. I was walking around in a building at school and there was this poster in one of the coke machines that had pictures of me and my kids. There was an arrow that someone had draw with something that said something along the lines of "how can a fatass raise these kids". in the dream I tore the poster down and ran away. I really do not think that my weight is making me a bad mother. I may not play on the floor with my kids as much as I could if i was not overweight. But my kids are happy, healthy and very well cared for. I do want to get in better shape so that I can play with my kids more outside. Beside the physcail limitation of the weight i think that the mental depression is also affect my kids. They don;'t know it but I think that If I could loss the weight I would not be as tired and would have more energy to play. I need to lose this weight for me children and for myself.