A Not Important Update

Well, in November i started working at Best Buy as a casher.I was 215 pounds The week before Christmas I was down to 211 pounds. This was even with eating out a lot because I was never home. I was drinking more water because we were not allowed soda on the floor and getting a bit of excersize because I always ended up vacuuming my area and then a few other people's. One night I vacuumed almost the entire store. I quite the 3 days before Christmas and one week later I am back up to 214 pounds. I am not getting any excersie and eating a lot.

Why am I eating a lot?
1) It is Christmas time and my mother in law made tons or great tasting deserts.
2) there was a ton of candy in my stocking, but i have not even eating a quarter of it yet
3) I am really stressed and board and when I am stressed and board I eat.

How to I stop eating?
1) well most of the deserts are gone by now so that is something
2) I still have candy but i really do not want to eat it
3) find things to do to prevent boardom
4) find others ways to relived stress

Number 3 and 4 are going to be really hard to do. Since, I do not drive and can not leave the house my options are limited. I can clean, play outside, read and play on the internet. There is only so much cleaning a person can do, i don't like to take my sick kids outside and I usually read at the table eating. I have yet to find a way to relive my stress besides eating.

Today alone, I have had a bowl of chili, 4 cookies, 1 coke zero, and 2 pieces of fudge. which does not seem that bad being that it is 1:39 but considering that I slept until 11:30. it is bad. What is terrible is that I am still hungry. I guess it would be better to eat another bowl of chili versus snacking on cookies all day

update

I am really bad on updating this thing. It maybe that there has been no huge updates to post.
School started and that meant YOGA class. I was dreading it but turns out that I love it. I have a great teaching who is really understanding and if I can't do something she is totally okay with it. She teaches us a lot of restorative positions that have really helped me. I actually fell asleep one class and it was the best 45 minutes of sleep that I had gotten in weeks. There is has been a few pounds weight loss but nothing major that I am going to get excited about. My eating habits have not changed that much except that I am drinking more water.

I have seen some other benefits from taking yoga
1. Mentally I am feeling awesome. Like there has been a huge improvement in my depression since i started. even with a lot of stresses, I am feeling happy and able to handle the stresses
2. my pain is not as bad as it was. I am still having a lot of back pain but I think that it is from my bed.
3. my face, which this summer was cover with zits, has now clear up a ton
4. sex is better for me. used to be it hurt but the last couple of times has been freaking amazing.

Proud of myself

I actually finished a whole work out video. It was 40 minutes long. I've never been able to go past 30 minutes before. I am really proud of myself for finished it.
On the other hand my home scale says I gained those two pounds that I lost back. I can not seem to lose weight. I've realized that it is my diet. I've tried to give up pop but it is so hard. I posted on my fridge a paper that states: No pop, 1 dairy item daily, one sweet daily and small portion. I'm hoping it will help me.
I need to start setting smaller goals for myself.

Goal for this week is to try to elimate pop. I had one today so none tomorrow.

Workout Videos

Something my Doctor said to me at my last appointment about making exercing fun and something for me really hit me. Two days later I started working out. I have about 5 differnt exercise videos and have been using them. I also have spent time just stretching my muscles. I have not been able to workout for more then 30 minutes so far but have made some progress in the week that I've been working out. I been switching between 3 different videos right now and each time I do one I get a little bit father then I did the last time I worked out to that video.
My scales says that since my last doctor appointment 9 days ago I've LOST 2POUNDS!!!!!. How wonderful is that. It is not official until because I am using my doctors scale and the official weight but it is an way of telling my if I am going in the right direction.
I've also been drinking as much water as I can. I will fill up a gallon water jug and sit and drink it at one time if I can. I have not cut out pop yet but the water is helping control my appetite. I've even cut back a little on my snacking.
I've still got a LONG way to go but I might finally be on the path to my goal.

Far away from the wagon

Well, I am not doing good at all on the weightloss front. In fact I've gained weight. School ended the third week of May. Since then I've gained 7 pounds. The combination of not having the excises of simple walking to classes and being bored with only 2 summer classes has causes me to eat more and not loss it.
I did go off dairy for 3 weeks and my eczema cleared up and I lost 3 pounds but quick;y went back on it because I was starving and since gained that back and the summer weight. I tried diet pills and they did nothing to curb my appetite.
I am really worried now that there are no more classes this summer that things are going to get worse. I feel like I will be eating a lot just out of boredom. I've talked to my Dr and beside chewing on Cinnamon sticks, he said I need to change my outlook. I'm trying.
I found a site that logs my meals and workouts and lets me know how many calories I've burn vs. how many I've eaten. I've done this for about a week and while I've been about even on the intake out take. my intake is around 3,000 calories!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It needs to be around 2,000 if not 1,500 to loss the weight. So basily I need to stop snacking cause that is what is really killing me. It takes all the calories away that I should be getting at dinner time.
I really really want to eat right now. I;ve already had a bowl of cereal, a pop, and 2 chocolate rolls, So in now way am I hungry. I know right now that it is a pscholical need to eat and I've trying really hard to ignore that need.
I think I'm gonna go outside and clean the porch now and stop thinking about the chips and dip in the kitchen that are calling my name.

No change

It's been a long time since I've had the chance to post because school has me swamped. There has been no change in my weight but other things have changed.
1) I started a new anti-depressant Effoxor and am having amazing results on it. My depression is very controlled, I am not near as tired, and my pain is not as bad. This has helped so much because I've been so much more productive because I am not sleeping all the time. Finals in in two weeks and I'm spending the day cleaning because I really have no school work because I am so ahead.
2) Because of the Effoxor I had to quit nursing Aeryn. We cold turkeyed it in two days and she did awesome. I miss nursing her but it was the best for both of us. I have been either pregnancy or nursing since August 19, 2002!!!
3) My DR. has taken my off dairy and beef two weeks ago. My lab work come back saying that my body was inflammed. He believes that this is a digestive thing and since I am allergic to dairy he took me off it and has me taking probiotic which is organism that will help reduce the inflammation. Not having dairy is really really hard and i have cheated a few times But i think that I am losing some weight since I am not eating all the time anymore.
4) while, i have stopped eating as much as I used too I still drink pop like a freak. Giving up cheese was heartbreaking and I do not think I could give up pop at this point maybe in a few months.
5) Nick is supposed to get some money from a personal injury lawsuit next week (mine will be here sometime this summer hopefully) and he is gonna be getting a pool. This will be great. Not only will the kids and I use it all the time during the summer and be spending time toghter but it will be good exercise without feeling like a chore.

So that is what is going on with me. I hope to be able to write more when summer comes. i will be taking two summer classes from may 21 till the end of June but July and half of August is free.

doing a little better

Well, I am done to less the a whole pop a day. Monday I had 1.4 of a dr. pepper. Tuesday I had 3/4 of a dr. pepper and it gave my indigestion and I really did not enjoy drinking it. Today I had a medium coke from McDonald's. I did not super size me meal and only ate half the fries.
I am still snacking but feel like I am eating less each time. That is something. The other day when I took my rings off the take a shower, they slide off easier then normal. I am also drinking a lot of water. I am also getting more exercise since I am at school and doing a lot of walking.
These are not huge improvement but they are a start and I am getting better. Hopefully things will continue to go along like this and I will see a Nice weight lost in 3 weeks when I see my dr again. Wish me luck

Lost a Pound!!!

it is not what I had hoped for but it is a start. I went to the Dr. on Monday and since I am using the scale there to see my weight loss/gain i found out that I went from 210 to 209!! I was hoping to lose 2 pounds. My Dr diagnosed me with a new disease closely related to fibremagyoia and start me on another prescription. He is hoping that it helps with the pain and the extreme fatigue. I really think that if I was not always so tired that I would be able to lose the weight. I am so tired all the time and all i want to do is sleep. I almost fell asleep in math class. that is really not good. I also realized that I tend to eat/ drink to keep myself awake. I am hoping that feeling better physically and feeling rested will help in my weight loss journey.

I also reached a turning point in my soda addiction. I went to the dentist last Friday because I thought that I had a few cavities that were hurting me when I had sweet things or drank really cold water. Turns out that I have cavities in almost every tooth actually they are positioned between the teeth.l. he said that is from sweet drinks like soda and that if I did not stop drinking the stuff that in 6 years my teeth will be nothing but fillings and there will be noting left to put anymore fillings into.SO i could be wearing dentures in 6 years if I do not give up pop. for the first time in a LONG time i do not want any soda to drink. I have only had like one pop a day. yesterday the first time i grabbed a soda was during my night class because I was falling asleep and i only drank half of it because it was hurting my to drink it. I did have a medium coke with breakfast which the size alone was a big thing because I always got larges.
At lunch time I got a flavored water to drink instead of pop. The flavored waters do have sugar in them but not near as much and I am thinking that it will now be my treat.
Hopefully soda will continue to be nasty to me and I will be able to finally get over my addiction to the danger drink.

Between the new pills and the promise of one day not being so damn tired and giving up soda I should start to lose the weight and start to feel better. lets keep our fingers crossed.

School has started

so that means that my posts will become less frequent. I will try to update as much as I can. We've been eating out a lot since we really have not been home. I have only cooked dinner once in the past week. Not sure what we will do tonight since i will not get home from school until 6:30. I have also been drinking a lot of pop because it is easier and has the caffeine. I also have been eating a lot of cholet. That is so not good for me. I can say though that I have been exercising, well walking a lot. Never wear new boots when you have a ton of walking to do.
During school days I have a long break and feel like I will be eating a lunch that is high in calories but I also think that I will walk enough to burn off a lot of those calories. I need to stop drinking pop. I will be getting something to drink before my math class in 20 minutes and It will be water. I have a Dr's appointment on Monday and we will see if I lost any weight. I truly believe that if I stop drinking pop I will start to loss the weight. i just am having so much trouble giving it up.
Hopefully next time I post I will have more thing to be proud about and less things to be ashamed of.

Not doing very well

for the past two days, I've been on the road and on the road means pop and fast food. Thursday the kid and I went with MIL to the dr and then went to McDonald's. Later that day Nick and I filed out taxes and had subway for dinner. I had some many soda's that day that I can not even bring myself to write the number. Yesterday Randin had speech therapy and then we went to McDonald's again. He also had an eye appointment and I got a Milkyways afterwards. Last night Nick and I went shopping and out to dinner. We went to O' Charley's and I got the Bayou Shrimp pasta, a salad and had some cheeses sticks. I did not eat all my meal but I finished it later at night. I do have to say that I have been walking around a lot since we are shopping but not nearly enough exercise to burn off any of the calories that I've consumed. We only get this kind of money twice a year, in January and August from me school loan. So this kind of running around and shopping does not happen that much.
It is 9 o'clock and I've had a Cinnamon roll and a pop. Now I need a shower and have got to start cleaning and organizing the house.

Drank 120 oz of water yesterday

8 20 oz bottles like I said I would. I also cleaned the living room, kitchen and did lots of laundry. So I repented for the cholcate cake late monday night. I did have a small piece of cake with lunch and a sliver after dinner but the cake is all gone now so there is no more temptation.

I did not get a lot of sleep last night because Aeryn is cutting some molars and they are really bothering her. I got like 6 hours sleep whihc is sorta normal for me but usually I just lounge around and watch tv with the kids in the moring and do not have to be up and moving around until I am really awake. With Randin in school now I do have to be up and out of here at 7:30. I am so tired today. I had a can of dr.pepper, a bottle of diet pepsi and a coffee. Bad Lex. I am only on my first bottle of water.

What I've noticed about the water is that it does curb my appetite. I still want to eat but not because I am hungry which was a big excuse of mine. Today I have eaten two eggs (when 3 is how many I usually eat) two pieces of toast, a handful of french fies, a chicken wrap, half of a country fired steak and a few bites of mac and cheese. that sounds like a lot and it is but i did not finish the steak and mac and cheese and usually I would have. I can honestly say that I am not hungry right now but I still really want something to snack on.

I need to invest in extra gum!!LOL

Definalty not on the wagon

Yesterday I stated out ok. I got up had a coffe (with too much sugar) and on the way to take Nick to work we stopped at a gas station and I got a coke zero. Nick grabbed a dr. pepper and a king size twix bar and told me to get a candy too. I resisted and grabbed cheese crakers for me and Aeryn to share. I thought that turning down that choclate bar that I had been craving was a good step. It was actully the only good move I made yesterday. Since I was out all day with my mother in law we ate at McDonald's and by the end of the day I had had 3 sodas. That amount of soda is bad enough but what really topps it if off is the piece of chocalte cake that I had last night. I had been doing good in not snakcing at night but that chocalte cake was too hard to resisit. I also had two pork chops with dinner.

you would think that after my bad day yesterday, today would be better. NOT!!. It is only 11:08 and I've already had 2 dr. peppers and half a bag of small choclate covered donuts., So basicly I have eaten/drinking half of my recommended calroie intake!!

I really need to attion for me bad eating behavior. So today I will clean the kitchen, living room, do laundry and drink 8 bottles of water. That is my goal for today and I really hope that I can achieve it.

While it does not look like I have done that great by reading this blog. I think that I've made some real mental process. Everytime I eat something that I am not supposed to I think that I am going have to admit it here. It is like the first step in solving an addiction is admitting ytou have an addiction. If that is the case I am on the right road.

I had a terrible dream last night and it really has me thinking. I was walking around in a building at school and there was this poster in one of the coke machines that had pictures of me and my kids. There was an arrow that someone had draw with something that said something along the lines of "how can a fatass raise these kids". in the dream I tore the poster down and ran away. I really do not think that my weight is making me a bad mother. I may not play on the floor with my kids as much as I could if i was not overweight. But my kids are happy, healthy and very well cared for. I do want to get in better shape so that I can play with my kids more outside. Beside the physcail limitation of the weight i think that the mental depression is also affect my kids. They don;'t know it but I think that If I could loss the weight I would not be as tired and would have more energy to play. I need to lose this weight for me children and for myself.

Taco Bell

Nick and I went to walmart today and on the way home I made him stop and get Taco Bell for me. He got Wendy's for himself and McDonald's for the kids. At Taco Bell I got the spicy chicken grilled crunch wrap supreme with no tomatoes and extra Nacho cheese, a hard taco and a Dr pepper. This is my favorite meal and I crave it all the time. I know how unhealthy it is for me but i want it, no I have to have it at times. As wonderful as it tasted I know feel guilty about eating it. I also ate a few pieces of the chocolate that we got for the kids, so I feel even more guilty.

I did good yesterday. I only had 2 Dr. peppers. I did have a handful of Cheetos and 2 ores. I snack a lot especially late at night. We eat dinner around 6 pm and usually don't go to bed until 11 or 12 and I always want to eat during this time. I restited until my mother in law brought home oreos. I only had two so I was proud of myself.
Yesterday was a good day; today started out bad. I had coffee and 3 oreos within an hour of waking and now the Taco Bell and chocolate. Hopefully the rest of the day will go alright and tomorrow will be better.

How this all started

I had my first cigarette at the age of 12 and smoked until I quite at age 21 when I found out I was pregnant with my daughter. I have not had a cigarette in almost 2 years. The week I quit smoking I gained 5 pounds. Every time I wanted a cigarette I eat. I was not that worried about it because I was pregnant and assumed I would lose the weight after my baby was born. I continued to eat like crazy during the pregnant. I started out weighing 150 which was 25 pounds below what I weight when I got pregnant with my first child, I ended the preganancy at 210 pounds. 3 weeks after Aeryn was born i had only lost 15 pounds. I continued to eat like crazy, replacing smoking for food. I gained 7 pounds over Christmas of 05 because my mother is law is such a good baker. I slowly gained all the weight that I had lost back until i know weight the exact same that i did when Aeryn was born. With my first child, Randin, I weighed 175 pounds when I got pregnant and only gained 25 pounds. Randin weighed 8 pounds 10 ounces at birth. I gained 60 pounds with Aeryn and she only weighed 6 pounds 7 ounces.

I have managed to lose a few pounds but always gain them back. I can not stop eating. I can be full and actually have my tummy hurt from eating a little too much and then still want something to eat. I've tried gum and candy to stop to desire to eat but it does not satisfy my desire for food. The things that I crave are not healthy. I crave cheese because I am allergic to dairy. It simples turns my cheeks red and can give me an upset stomach but cheese on anything is what I want.
I also crave chocolate which I think is a normal craving. I eat way to much of it. the last thing that i crave is soda pop. I always was a huge soda junkie but it was only like one a day because my mother did not let us have that much. when I moved in with my husband, who only drinks pop, i started consuming more. From the time I met him until the time I got pregnant with Randin I went from a size 10 jeans to a size 12. I quit drinking pop when I found out i was pregnant with Randin and lose 10 pounds in 2 weeks. I did not drink any caffeine during My pregnancy with Randin and he was a big baby. With AEryn i did drink soda, sometimes 2 or 3 a day, and she was a much smaller baby then Randin was. I contribute the caffeine to the difference in their sizes.
I still drink soda like there is no tomorrow. I must drink anywhere from 3 to 5 a day. There are days that I do better then other and only drink 1 but those are way. I will not buy my kind of pop and buy bottles of water, and that does help in cutting down the amount of pop I drink and increased my water intake. I did this 2 months ago and lost 2 pounds but it did not last and i've gained that back. I know that pop is my weakness and if I would give it up it would be a big help in my losing the weight that is taking over my life. first thing in the moring i get up and have a soda which would not be too bad if that was my only one but it never is.

This moring I had a Dr. pepper, 3 eggs, 3 pieces of bacon, and 2 pieces of toast with jelly. I also realized that I ate two other pieces of bacon that I did not count because they were not on my plate. I pick at my kids food and do not even realized that i am doing it.

I know that I must cut back on the soda and picking food off my kids plates. these will be my new goal for the next couple of days.

My New Blog

Recently I came to realize that I am addicted to food. I know that I need to do something to overcome this addiction for myself and my family. I was given the idea to keep a diary about my struggle with food and weight loss. I hope that by keeping this blog I will become more accountable for what I eat and it will therefor help me loss the weight that I need to in order to be health. At the time of the first blog I weight 210 pounds.